17 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 57

Day 57: What is your definition of happiness

I'm... not sure it can be defined in any way that would be true for every individual? It's not just the absence of sadness, it's a feeling, an experience - it encompasses safety, acceptance, basic needs taken care of and good things in your life, no matter what and how many. The main problem here is that it varies so much from person to person; what one might call happiness might just mean being mildly satisfied for another. Psychological research on the momentary feeling of happiness indicates it's not actually possible to be "happy" for very long, but prolonged satisfaction with life is what allows for frequent moments and experiences of happiness.

All in all, happiness is a state of mind.

16 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 56

Day 56: Something you did as a child that other people remember you for

... Ahahaha...

Apparently I caught the attention of many preschool (and school) teachers by... being so nice. Specifically, I was impeccably well-behaved, silent, "talented" and kind - and no one would believe it when my parents told them I was rather explosive at home.


And then there was the time I flat-out swore at my grandmother at age 4 or so because I couldn't go to the bathroom in time.

15 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 55

Day 55: A passage from a book that has touched you

... There are many. I can't imagine picking only one, or really, even remembering one off the top of my head when asked. I could give you hundreds from Anne of Green Gables or the Tiina series or The Lord of the Rings alone. Just as many more from classics I've read over the years. Dozens from S. E. Hinton, CLAMP and assorted manga like Watashitachi no shiawase na jikan...

But for now, just because I saw it earlier today, I'll go with a quote from Clover:

"To not die is the greatest gift you can give someone you love."

14 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 54

Day 54: Your definition of love

I'm stumped on this subject right now. I feel like some time ago I had an eloquent answer ready to go but... I don't know. It's not that the definition has changed, or my opinion - it's like I picked it up and put it down someplace different.

Love is deeply caring for someone you know, thinking them special in some way, platonic or romantic. It's wanting to have and maintain a meaningful connection to them, whether physical closeness is possible or not. It's when you think of that someone unprompted, in unrelated situations.

After that, the definition would get less universal and more ideal.

13 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 53

Day 53: Your day, in great detail

Ahahaha oh boy. Why today.

Kept waking up during the night. Saw dreams - one was something very Fable II -esque based on my past and a dear friend. Woke up at eight to take antibiotics, tried to go back to sleep, saw a fucked up dream about a girl-turned-ghost... failed to really sleep for most of the time. Got up tired as all hell, discussed anime and fandoms on twitter, dicked around on tumblr.


Drove with a friend to spend the day with an old friend in common - stopped at a store, got there, talked about things a bit and squeed at cats. Watched her play games I probably won't get to play. Watched TV, ate candy; half watched a movie, half talked shit through it, reminisced, talked more shit, laughed at cats being silly.

Made vague plans to meet again, drove back via a gas station, ate sandwiches, drank tea... Currently sitting at computer eating candy and trying to decide if I should get booze or not.


Not really in great detail, but... there weren't many more? I sat at her place for six hours and mostly nothing of significance that is mine to share even came up?

12 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 52

Day 52: If you didn’t have an age, how old would you think you were

How old would I think..? I would still have my memories, right? I might be able to get close to the truth by comparing and contrasting who I was with, when and for how long - as well as how strongly I related to which stories. But... I honestly can't be sure. I'd know approximately how old I would have to be to still be in the school I am in but be older than the rest of the students, though. That doesn't leave much room for error.

11 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 51

Day 51: Describe your future wedding

I'm not sure I'll ever have one. I haven't thought much about it, ever. A lot of it would depend on the partner - though I suppose a huge wedding the whole town is invited to might not be the thing for me. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be traditional... but I do think a proper, maybe modified, ceremony would be nice.

10 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 50

Day 50: Why you are doing this challenge

Because I saw someone else do it... but that's not really what I'm meant to say.

To keep track of where I am, of goals, opinions. To have a routine of sorts I can still adjust. To learn to write, every day, whether or not it's formal or not, creative or not. To have something to direct wandering thoughts at, put energy into, instead of the alternatives. If I spend more time thinking on these questions, I'll be forced to spend less on others.

9 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 49

Day 49: Are you a lover or a fighter

A world in which the two are mutually exclusive is not one I want to live in.

If I'm not prepared to fight, I can't protect those I love - or anyone's right to love - but without love there is no reason to fight. But then, the quote from Bleach (surprising? maybe, but it truly was insightful when it began) left an impression as well: "I can't hold you if I'm welding a sword, but I can't protect you if I'm not."

7 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 47

Day 47: What was your last Halloween costume

It wasn't much of a costume, I'm afraid - I just wore black things and some make-up. I haven't properly dressed up for Halloween in years, what with all the cosplay going on. And the fact that Halloween isn't much of a thing here. Still, maybe this year I could try?

6 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 46

Day 46: What makes you smile

Cute fuzzy animals, texts or messages or mentions from friends, children who just discovered something new. Seeing someone I care about being emotive - irl or in their writing online. Fandom inside jokes, headcanons that match mine, friends' reactions to their favourite characters. Puns, references to media I love. Fangirls happily being fangirls.

5 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 45

Day 45: When was the last time you tried something new

Yesterday. It was just a taco, but hey, it counts. I don't think I care for them very much.

4 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 44

Day 44: When was the last time you wore a dress

Hmm. Must have been to a bar some time, in which case... months ago? I can't remember.

3 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 43

Day 43: Is it possible to lie without saying a word

Yes and no. It's possible to intentionally mislead someone without saying a word, most of human communication is supposed to be nonverbal, but in the literal meaning of the word, no. Though if you've been deceived and your only way of communicating it to them is "you lied to me" or, alternatively, if that's the only accusation they accept for dishonesty, there's a problem somewhere.

2 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 42

Day 42: What do you think of your driver’s license picture

It's... awful, honestly. Not only does my face look wide, they seemed to have trouble with how pale my skin is - it's just a blob of white against black hair.

1 October 2013

365 day challenge: Day 41

Day 41: When was the last time you wrote a letter? to whom?

It... must have been Ruu, but I can't remember exactly when. Too long ago, most likely. I don't even think it was this year. I'd write more often but it's hard to think of anything profound to say and I often feel like fleeting, unimportant things are a waste of her time and my paper.

Maybe I should try anyway.

30 September 2013

365 day challenge: Day 40

Day 40: What are features you get complimented on a lot

"A lot"? My hair, simply because it's longer than average. My eyes, for some reason - not sure if it's the shape or colour, but they're a mediocre light blue. For internal features... intelligence? The ability to think for myself? I don't know. I don't get many compliments and even thinking about fishing for them makes me hate myself.

29 September 2013

365 day challenge: Day 39

Day 39: Why you think you’ve learnt more from the good or the bad

While it's true you can't learn to change if you never fail... if there is no good to compare it to, what direction do you take? How do you know it's not just another dead end? It goes without saying that 'you learn from your mistakes' is true as the most used advice on this topic, but I don't think people give enough credit to positive influences, opportunities and role models.

If my first best friend hadn't been so controlling, would it be easier for me to handle social situations, would I have more friends? When my grandfather died, would I have been able to accept it so quickly without the media I'd consumed? If I didn't have such a stable and loving relationship with a childhood friend, would I ever have been able to connect to another human being again? Especially after those few years in that company - while I learned to watch out for warning signs and not tolerate bullshit in place of something better, do these pros outweigh the cons of an unsupportive environment through formative years?

I think what matters most is the combination the good and bad happen to make in your life, and when you're old enough, what you choose to take from them.

28 September 2013

365 day challenge: Day 38

Day 38: Thoughts on your generation

Not fundamentally different from other generations; ignorant, sometimes out of laziness, not doing enough to help the planet or the people on it, not as smart as they think they are and prone to stereotyping. Never believed the (very American) bullshit on 'millenials' and their jobless mooching off their parents - that, as a phenomenon, is not our fault. We have not existed long enough to make the market what it is and barely any of us has had any chance to be elected into anything that could help the situation.