Day 365: Look back to your first post of this challenge, asking ‘Post a picture of yourself and tell us your hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 Days’ did you achieve any of these goals? And post a picture.
I graduated, I got into the university, I'm okay with the exam results. I worked, I went to London and met people, I took to aimless wandering, I spent less time thinking and more time doing - I discovered things about myself, others and the places I saw. I loved it. I did fit in, enough.
Not much about my body has changed, to be honest - I got sick once again and then twisted my ankle. I will start regular exercise again but I found something even better that I didn't know was there: when in London I tried new foods and found things I liked. I had completely forgotten I loved milkshakes and now it came back. I had no idea what I liked but discovered bubble tea and Korean food - and Smarties, and more improvised cocktails, and cheap wine - I didn't know little things could make me happier.
I feel slightly better about the idea of writing even though the actual process is still a mystery. I took part in the shipping relay with an amazing team this summer - not only did I try new things while drawing I officially met and started talking to Gren. I'm so grateful for that.
I feel closer to people important to me. I feel... like I understand my place better now. Like there's less distortion, like maybe I have some say in what comes of us. Maybe one day I'll have faith, maybe I won't, but this is something.
21 August 2014
20 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 364
Day 364: Have you changed much in the past year?
Yes and no.
No, there are no changes in personality or likes, only new additions to fandoms. I changed nothing about my looks. I haven't really developed any new habits or started any new routines.
Yes, I've come far. My mental health is better than it has been for years. I can be calmer, even when I admit to anxiety or depression. Neither completely overwhelms me daily. I don't nearly hide and give up on life at the thought of having to decide if I can say hi to a friend I met without planning to. I've proven to myself I can do things. I got new acquaintances - even friends? - and spent more time with old friends. I've learned to be more active with reaching out. I've shed some of the guilt that used to come with it.
So yes and no. I haven't 'changed' fundamentally. Not even my worldview. I still don't do well with "hopes and dreams" that can't be turned into concrete plans. I'm still not a happy, confident person and probably never will be. I have always been and will likely always be myself. But I've been learning to live. To be okay with it. To see possibilities where I couldn't, to spend less time convincing myself nothing is worth it, that I'm awful, that I'm not loved.
Everything is... slightly, just slightly, easier. Lighter. Less definite, as horrifying that is.
Life feels more liveable.
Yes and no.
No, there are no changes in personality or likes, only new additions to fandoms. I changed nothing about my looks. I haven't really developed any new habits or started any new routines.
Yes, I've come far. My mental health is better than it has been for years. I can be calmer, even when I admit to anxiety or depression. Neither completely overwhelms me daily. I don't nearly hide and give up on life at the thought of having to decide if I can say hi to a friend I met without planning to. I've proven to myself I can do things. I got new acquaintances - even friends? - and spent more time with old friends. I've learned to be more active with reaching out. I've shed some of the guilt that used to come with it.
So yes and no. I haven't 'changed' fundamentally. Not even my worldview. I still don't do well with "hopes and dreams" that can't be turned into concrete plans. I'm still not a happy, confident person and probably never will be. I have always been and will likely always be myself. But I've been learning to live. To be okay with it. To see possibilities where I couldn't, to spend less time convincing myself nothing is worth it, that I'm awful, that I'm not loved.
Everything is... slightly, just slightly, easier. Lighter. Less definite, as horrifying that is.
Life feels more liveable.
19 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 363
Day 363: Do you know what your first post on tumblr was?
I could find it if I wanted to, but I'm pretty sure it was something along the lines of "welp, here we go then, blog started" - just a sentence or two before the first reblog.
I could find it if I wanted to, but I'm pretty sure it was something along the lines of "welp, here we go then, blog started" - just a sentence or two before the first reblog.
18 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 362
Day 362: What is the biggest lie you’ve ever told. Why’d you tell it?
I don't think I could pick one - I don't tend to lie, especially not about things that are important. Plus, if it was a lie I told someone I don't care about it's automatically a small lie - who cares, right? Plus: I'd rather just say the truth but twist it if necessary.
I really don't know. Hmm.
Maybe it was a "I'm fine" that slipped out when I needed someone to stop feeling guilty? I try to go for "it's fine" or "don't worry about it" or "it's not your fault" but it might have happened. I don't know.
I don't think I could pick one - I don't tend to lie, especially not about things that are important. Plus, if it was a lie I told someone I don't care about it's automatically a small lie - who cares, right? Plus: I'd rather just say the truth but twist it if necessary.
I really don't know. Hmm.
Maybe it was a "I'm fine" that slipped out when I needed someone to stop feeling guilty? I try to go for "it's fine" or "don't worry about it" or "it's not your fault" but it might have happened. I don't know.
17 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 361
Day 361: If you won the lottery, honestly, how would you spend the money?
I'd save most of it for when I have something to spend it on - like, say, a house. Or land. Or hospital bills. A tiny sliver of it would go towards buying physical copies of favourite books and completing my collections. I'd be tempted to hire a personal trainer and go see some specialists about things wrong with my body - like the twisted ankle that's still swollen.
I'd save most of it for when I have something to spend it on - like, say, a house. Or land. Or hospital bills. A tiny sliver of it would go towards buying physical copies of favourite books and completing my collections. I'd be tempted to hire a personal trainer and go see some specialists about things wrong with my body - like the twisted ankle that's still swollen.
16 August 2014
15 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 359
Day 359: Describe what you normally do on a weekly basis. A little bit about your social life outside of the internet.
During vacations I might not do much at all. I'll take my meds, brush my teeth, go through the daily routines for twitter, tumblr and facebook and then... continue some project. Reading a book, watching a show, playing a game, whatever.
If I'm invited somewhere I'll go out. I'm learning to reach out to people I want to see myself - sometimes I'll just go to hang out or watch movies. In London I sort of learned to not expect grand plans, to just... go somewhere. The possibilities for going 'out' here are limited, comparatively, but it has helped.
During vacations I might not do much at all. I'll take my meds, brush my teeth, go through the daily routines for twitter, tumblr and facebook and then... continue some project. Reading a book, watching a show, playing a game, whatever.
If I'm invited somewhere I'll go out. I'm learning to reach out to people I want to see myself - sometimes I'll just go to hang out or watch movies. In London I sort of learned to not expect grand plans, to just... go somewhere. The possibilities for going 'out' here are limited, comparatively, but it has helped.
14 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 358
Day 358: Are you as addicted to tumblr as you were a year ago?
I wouldn't call it addiction. I don't think I ever did. I use it almost daily, as a part of the routine, and get a lot out of it. It's helping me connect with fandoms in a way I ordinarily couldn't have and giving me information on various topics. It's fun and it's useful.
I wouldn't call it addiction. I don't think I ever did. I use it almost daily, as a part of the routine, and get a lot out of it. It's helping me connect with fandoms in a way I ordinarily couldn't have and giving me information on various topics. It's fun and it's useful.
13 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 357
Day 357: As a kid did you want to be a ninja turtle and/or power ranger? Which colour?
I don't think I did. I did want to be Tarzan, an elf, a mermaid, a ballet dancer and a vet.
I don't think I did. I did want to be Tarzan, an elf, a mermaid, a ballet dancer and a vet.
12 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 356
Day 356: What is your dream job?
I don't know about 'dream' jobs (unless I can be a wizard) but I'm aiming to be a translator and know I will like it. I'll be consuming new fiction and making sure others can understand it too. I'll be working with languages. There will be a clear goal but I can be creative with the process.
I don't know about 'dream' jobs (unless I can be a wizard) but I'm aiming to be a translator and know I will like it. I'll be consuming new fiction and making sure others can understand it too. I'll be working with languages. There will be a clear goal but I can be creative with the process.
11 August 2014
10 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 354
Day 354: Last time you cried, why was it?
... I read a fic. Forgot to check the warnings even though it was an AU - I'm used to characters being dead in my fandoms. Half of the ship died. Beautifully.
... I read a fic. Forgot to check the warnings even though it was an AU - I'm used to characters being dead in my fandoms. Half of the ship died. Beautifully.
9 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 353
Day 353: What quote do you live by?
I feel like I've said this a dozen times during the course of this challenge but: I don't really pick quotes to memorize or look back to. Or, in this case, live by. There are many that resonate and could act as guidelines - but if I didn't aim for that general direction to begin with would they feel so powerful? I don't consider most to have shaped my goals by that much.
Maybe as a child something did but that's gone now.
Here's something that I identify with a lot, even though the experience may differ for others:
There's no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there is no excuse for boredom, ever.
I feel like I've said this a dozen times during the course of this challenge but: I don't really pick quotes to memorize or look back to. Or, in this case, live by. There are many that resonate and could act as guidelines - but if I didn't aim for that general direction to begin with would they feel so powerful? I don't consider most to have shaped my goals by that much.
Maybe as a child something did but that's gone now.
Here's something that I identify with a lot, even though the experience may differ for others:
There's no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there is no excuse for boredom, ever.
Viggo Mortensen
8 August 2014
7 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 351
Day 351: Are you addicted to Facebook?
No. I barely ever use it for anything but messaging, even that rarely compared to, say, LINE.
No. I barely ever use it for anything but messaging, even that rarely compared to, say, LINE.
6 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 350
Day 350: Do you have any hard, life-changing choices to make, anytime soon?
You just missed the part where I was deciding between staying in Finland to study or going to London to work for a year. Right now... nothing like that. Nothing I will have to figure out if I want to postpone it.
You just missed the part where I was deciding between staying in Finland to study or going to London to work for a year. Right now... nothing like that. Nothing I will have to figure out if I want to postpone it.
5 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 349
Day 349: What’s the way to win your heart?
There's no way to 'win' my heart. It just sort of leaps out at you, unfortunately, but there definitely is no guaranteed way into anyone's heart.
What I like about people? Shared interests, intellect and ability to discuss a wide range of things, honesty, originality, not trying too hard to impress me with cliches.
There's no way to 'win' my heart. It just sort of leaps out at you, unfortunately, but there definitely is no guaranteed way into anyone's heart.
What I like about people? Shared interests, intellect and ability to discuss a wide range of things, honesty, originality, not trying too hard to impress me with cliches.
4 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 348
Day 348: What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done lately?
I haven't been doing much of anything lately. Maybe... walking around my room shirtless trying not to pass out from the heat, hearing a click from the door (turned out to not even be my door), almost jumping into a wall as a poor reflex.
I haven't been doing much of anything lately. Maybe... walking around my room shirtless trying not to pass out from the heat, hearing a click from the door (turned out to not even be my door), almost jumping into a wall as a poor reflex.
3 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 347
Day 347: Are you getting bored of this challenge?
Not bored, no - I did have a few days that were (for various reasons) spent thinking over other stuff that distracted me. Plus it's nearly over.
Not bored, no - I did have a few days that were (for various reasons) spent thinking over other stuff that distracted me. Plus it's nearly over.
2 August 2014
365 day challenge: Day 346
Day 346: What are your favourite types of shoes? Why?
Boots. They're nice, sturdy and warm. Then maybe the converse type.
Boots. They're nice, sturdy and warm. Then maybe the converse type.
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