Day 364: Have you changed much in the past year?
Yes and no.
No, there are no changes in personality or likes, only new additions to fandoms. I changed nothing about my looks. I haven't really developed any new habits or started any new routines.
Yes, I've come far. My mental health is better than it has been for years. I can be calmer, even when I admit to anxiety or depression. Neither completely overwhelms me daily. I don't nearly hide and give up on life at the thought of having to decide if I can say hi to a friend I met without planning to. I've proven to myself I can do things. I got new acquaintances - even friends? - and spent more time with old friends. I've learned to be more active with reaching out. I've shed some of the guilt that used to come with it.
So yes and no. I haven't 'changed' fundamentally. Not even my worldview. I still don't do well with "hopes and dreams" that can't be turned into concrete plans. I'm still not a happy, confident person and probably never will be. I have always been and will likely always be myself. But I've been learning to live. To be okay with it. To see possibilities where I couldn't, to spend less time convincing myself nothing is worth it, that I'm awful, that I'm not loved.
Everything is... slightly, just slightly, easier. Lighter. Less definite, as horrifying that is.
Life feels more liveable.
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