365 day challenge: Day 37

Day 37: Who are you

I don't like this question. What are you after? What do you want me to tell you? My identity, social status, views, hobbies?

An introduction, maybe?

I'm a queer, kinky geek. I love to read and learn, I sort of like fandoms, I get really emotional about fiction and have about zero self confidence - which I suppose is a part of my depression. I'm messed up and even though I'm frequently told I'm 'a good person', many of my values and (especially) thoughts would not sit well with the majority of people I've met. I've never had a crush but I tend to fall deeply in love - I also don't have many friends but the ones I have are very dear to me. I don't consider most of my acquaintances friends even if we hang out or talk a lot. I have a lot of thoughts and a lot of words but I can't seem to find enough of the latter to explain the former. Nice to meet you.

365 day challenge: Day 36

Day 36: What do you think about your friends

If I didn't think highly of them they wouldn't be my friends. I never understood how some people would just collect friends they couldn't stand most of the time. I don't make enemies or cause drama, but I don't make a habit of surrounding myself with people I don't genuinely like.

365 day challenge: Day 35

Day 35: What is your favourite poptart flavor

I've never had any, I have no idea. Are they even sold here?

365 day challenge: Day 34

Day 34: Your horoscope for today and whether you think it’s accurate

"You may be making definite moves to add to your friendship list today. A friend at work is certainly someone you would like to have around you more often. That rich feeling happens when you have good friendships, not just acquaintances, but really good friends. You may enjoy eccentric or unconventional friends and groups with some kind of humanitarian flavor will appeal. You have very original ideas when it comes to community, making the communal dreams into a reality. Perhaps you can lead a community project to plant or trim trees in several neighborhoods. Your burning zeal for the ideal world and your need to be part of a group of like-minded souls are major factors in your makeup now. You learn and grow when you help others."

I... I'm sorry? What part of this is supposed to make sense? A social gardening project, are you kidding? 'Friend at work' - I'm a student and I don't even have classes, just an exam in the morning. Sure, eccentric, that's fine - 'communal dreams' what now? I don't even live in a community, really?

'Your burning zeal for the ideal world and your need to be part of a group of like-minded souls are major factors in your makeup now'... okay, I snorted. Sue me.

'You learn and grow when you help others' - that is called mentoring and is a psychological fact that applies to everyone.

365 day challenge: Day 33

Day 33: Someone who really hurt you

You know... I don't actually feel like telling that story all over again. It's long and it's worn and will bring nothing new to this blog or challenge. So: "someone I knew in my teens".

365 day challenge: Day 32

Day 32: How many pictures do you have in your room

At the moment? On walls: zero. Framed on desk: zero. Rolled up somewhere waiting to be put up: a fuckton.

I just moved rooms again, and that combined with the exam season means I haven't had a chance to explore the walls much. I know I can't put nails on the one wall with the most space because it's concrete under the wallpaper, so the wall scroll isn't up and neither is the noticeboard, and I don't want to tape random small pictures to the walls before they're at least planned.

365 day challenge: Day 31

Day 31: A bit about your social life outside of tumblr

There's not much to say at this moment. Not only do my acquaintances now live further away again, I've been holed up with studying and other school related work, I've barely gone out and no invitations have come my way. Some chats here and there with the flatmates, out of necessity and chance more than anything else. And then, as usual, I've been too insecure to contact the people who matter.

Even at my best I seem to mostly communicate through Skype, Twitter and tumblr. There's been more to talk about with Kimberley due to even more fandoms in common and Katie seems to be the only one currently invested in Geass. Another newer person has been messaging me a lot too, but she's not... one of my friends yet, if ever. It's all idle chatter.

I've put up with visiting my parents more often too, seeing how shitty my connection can get and being too busy to really research options.

365 day challenge: Day 30

Day 30: 5 favourite girls names, 5 favourite boys names

Hmm. Not only am I bad with favourites I just plain don't make lists like these. There are plenty of names that have made me go 'wow, that sure is nice' all on their own and a lot of those I now have a special connection to and therefore prefer to others... I've just never consciously listed them.

I tend to like unusual names. For English, older names. Unisex names, too, they're great. Names that mean something.

But I can't pick a top ten.

365 day challenge: Day 29

Day 29: A date you’d love for someone to take you on

I'm... not big on 'being taken on dates' - I think I like dates as more of a together thing than a thing someone else plans for me. I suppose being pampered might be nice at some point, but that's not a date, that could be anything from treating me at a restaurant to taking a bath together.

There's not really a date I'd like to take anyone else on either, honestly, though I would like planning it if the one I was going to go with wanted something like that.

365 day challenge: Day 28

Day 28: Something that makes you really angry

Injustice. Bigotry and prejudice. Douchebags. Kids who treat teachers like shit. Bullying. Religious zealots. Wilful ignorance.

365 day challenge: Day 27

Day 27: A person you wished lived closer and why

I'll just make this easier for myself and say what I always do: Ruu. Though I guess it's more me wishing I lived closer to her, I couldn't take her from that environment. I'd like to treat her to coffee every now and then, swap stories, just talk about everything. And, of course, get to know the kid and see her grow up.

365 day challenge: Day 26

Day 26: 5 things you’re looking forward to

... Five is a lot.

Being finished with the matriculation exams. And this level of education. Finding work. Going to London. Learning to study.

365 day challenge: Day 25

Day 25: The last movie you watched

Blonde - The Marilyn Monroe Story. I was drunk and it was mostly in the background, but I watched both parts. It coincided nicely with the reading of J no Subete a few days earlier. I don't know how reliable it was as a source, but it was touching and... real, somehow, though glamorous.

365 day challenge: Day 24

Day 24: Your favourite 10 people right now and why

Isn't this just a variation of two earlier questions? Well, in no particular order...

Ruu, she's really the one constant in my life, always a source of happiness, positive thinking and nearly literal sunshine. ttuw, for existing, not disappearing, being a wonderful human being and having such a beautiful mind. Kimberley, for sharing many of my fandoms and interests and the intensity of the feelings for them.  My guidance counselor, for being so supportive and helping me fix my messes effortlessly. My old Finnish teacher, for being so bright, knowledgeable and enthusiastic all while giving me time and advice. My psychology teacher, for his vast knowledge of various subjects and willingness to learn as well as having such a unique and all-around good personality. My grandparents (2) for their relationship, calm, courage and attitude towards life and people around them. A new flatmate, for being so energetic, positive and social.

I can't think of a tenth. I'm sure there are dozens on, say, tumblr I admire and like, as well as all the celebrities I could list - but there isn't one specific name I feel I should include. Still... I'm impressed I came up with this many.

365 day challenge: Day 23

Day 23: A month/year of your life when you were happiest and why

That's... too specific, as there's nothing in recent history.

I'll still have to say 'childhood'. Maybe when I was 5-7, when I entered Saloila (and later first grade) and met my best friend at the time. We spent so much time together, made so many plans, swore to be sisters forever. We shared hobbies and stories and played. It was a happy time and all my responsibilities were easy to handle, save for one I made up on my own. Because I was a 'good girl'.

A runner-up would be when I was 10, but... then some things had already happened. But still, I was happy then.

365 day challenge: Day 22

Day 22: How you judge intelligence

I'll just direct you to this handy list first. Really, read it.

In a less scientific setting, while I recognise these all, someone I would describe as intelligent would have moderate skills in linguistic, logical, spatial, existential, intra- and interpersonal intelligence or outstanding skill in at least one of them even at the cost of others. (Possibly excluding intrapersonal intelligence.)

Mostly, though, I value the ability to think independently and make your own judgements - if that is lacking, I will wonder how it could possibly even happen.

365 day challenge: Day 21

Day 21: What does your favourite t-shirt look like

I don't have one. I'm particularly fond of my Desucon shirts for some reason, but they're not my 'favourite' either. I love my geeky t-shirts from Qwertee and TeeFury, but... there are a lot of them. There are, of course, the two we made for a con, but I hardly ever wear them. Genius as they are.

Favourites and I don't really mix.

365 day challenge: Day 20

Day 20: What you think makes someone beautiful

That's not a good question.

I feel like it's fishing for a list of outward qualities or a pretentious, poetic description of a good and noble person while smashing the former. I'm not going to do that.

For looks - how do we define beautiful? Does it lean more towards hotness and desire or adorable quirks? Conventional beauty, clear cut features, ephemeral illusions? 'I want to touch you' or 'I want to draw you'? Does it count if one of the factors is a general positive feeling towards the person?

I suppose you could say I'm easily captivated by uniqueness, but honestly, plenty of 'unique' looking people are not beautiful at all, to me or otherwise. Not everyone is beautiful and no one has to appear beautiful. Focusing on superficial things for confidence instead of just using them for a boost is harmful in the long term and will warp your worldview.

'A beautiful mind'... could as well stand for anything. Clarity? Kindness? Intelligence? For me, it's always meant a combination of things, but never a set one. You just know when you feel it. Even someone with only qualities that would normally work towards that image might not qualify in the end.

Beauty is not measurable. At least not for me.

365 day challenge: Day 19

Day 19: Your thoughts on your family

Immediate family? I loathe my brother. He's lazy, self-centred, spoiled, violent and bigoted. People like him shouldn't exist. He's a waste of space.

My parents... I don't think they did a stellar job raising either one of us. They're okay as people, but mom is too stubborn, too quick to anger and lacks self-control where it has mattered. Plus she always seems to favour my brother. So does my dad, but he at least gets mad at him more often.

My grandparents are great, as are my cousins. I'm proud of them.

365 day challenge: Day 18

Day 18: Why you made your blog, why you still have it

This one? I suppose I wanted to try blogging - both as a thing my friend was doing and a way to write down my thoughts (I've always been horrible with diaries). Pass time with memes, even.

I still have it because... I still need to get used to writing and expressing myself, I want to document my life, thoughts, feelings and attitudes so I'll always know who I was. I'm hoping it might even help me figure out life a little. And I just have an intense dislike of letting go of things I can keep.